If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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