Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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