At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
