I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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