im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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