I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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