Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize