Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
