yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize