Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
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