3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
