I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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