i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
