I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize