i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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