Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
