Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
