Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
