who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
