3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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