dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
