My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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