She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
