Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
