Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
