just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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