i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
