Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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