i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
