i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
