He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
