Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
