Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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