Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
