oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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