there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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