Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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