Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
