You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
