I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
