You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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