You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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