That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
