I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize