You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
