you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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