What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This baby is an asshole
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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