I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize