if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
