I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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