I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
