Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
