I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
