i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
