Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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