hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
