You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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