i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
