Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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