You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize