I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
