Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
