just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
my liver is dry heaving
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize