so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
