can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
