I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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