Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize