Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize