Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
