Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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