why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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