I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
