we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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