he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she pinky promised me she was 18
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
