Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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