i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
