farters have to be the big spoon...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
