my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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