oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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