I want to stick my p in your. b.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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