I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
