The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
