the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
