i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
