Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
