I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
