My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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