OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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