Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
