just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
