Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
