haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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