he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
