who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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